They destroy- we create.
This month I came across a gem on social media that I’ve since misplaced. The post said that these men in charge, these abusers online, they want to destroy. In our resistance; we create. This month then, I’ve been doubling down on creation.
As part of my interest in what helps us feel better, I’ve been recording sounds during times when I feel good- and in the evening, I've been listening back to see if these sounds continue to have the same effect. What really struck me is that in each recording the key part is the relationships within them. If the birds are singing, if my children are talking, if my husband is chatting, if friends are laughing, if it’s the sound of the spokes of my bike turning, the hum of the conversations of strangers, or the sound of my breathing after I’ve been running; in each of these sounds, I’m in relation and conversation with others- and myself. I’m actively listening, watching, feeling, I’m talking to the space around me. I’m not sure what I’ll do with these sounds next, but at the moment they feel very collagey, so I’ll see where they land as I keep recording.
Something that I’m learning in the unlearning that is my PhD is that I know less than I thought. It’s only ever shards of truth that we can access from the positions we occupy- but as I’m learning from my practice and my readings across evolutionary biology, sociology, anthropology and positive psychology, we can see some common threads along the way; the things that create joy are flow, community and connection.
As social scientists, we don’t ever really know what works and what doesn’t, but we can take a good guess. And a good guess that I’m working on is that the key to recovery, survival and thrivership is- yet again- relationships. Relationships with ourselves, relationships with our community, relationships with the state and relationships with the natural world. In my work, I get to talk to so many different people from so many different sectors and countries and every single one of them says the same thing- it is in our relationships that change happens.
Relationships then, are key. Whether it’s Gareth Southgate’s lecture about modern boyhood or a podcast about what happened to Grimes, we hear time and time again what happens when these relationships fail and who is there to fill that void. These void fillers are not people who want to create, they are people who want to destroy. Destruction is everwhere, it’s built into our society, or economic system; growth at all costs whatever we sacrifice.
When we experience that destruction, it’s not just that we experience alienation from each other, but we experience alienation from ourselves-our minds, bodies and souls- and we experience alienation from our natural world. Now that spring has sprung, I’m desperate to get outside again, and am currently writing this in the Botanical Gardens in Edinburgh surrounded by the conversations around me- both human and bird.
Reconnecting those lost connections, and rebuilding those relationships is part of how we create something. It’s not to say this is easy, human relationships rarely are, and we’ll undoubtedly get it wrong, misspeak, feel hurt, gossip, whatever.. But that’s ok! We build, and we create. That is how we resist. When they destroy, we create.
Here’s some creating offers this month:
Our wellbeing for women leaders programme is now open to drop-ins, so if you couldn’t commit to the whole programme, but want to take part, you can now attend just a few sessions. We’re almost at the half way mark (but will run it again!) so book your tickets today!
The dots will start trading as a business in the new financial year, and to launch, I’m offering three pro-bono projects per year for organisations or individuals working to build communities that create something new- that support empathy, that support imagination, that support resistance. I’m happy to give you 4 hours of free support, so check out the menu of options and see what you fancy. Get in touch to chat through!
If you’re looking for facilitation with a twist from now until October, I am very up for outdoor sessions. We think our best thoughts away from a desk after all.
In other news:
I’ve been working on my second trashy book- said with absolute pride- and it is a total joy to write. In my pursuit of promoting healthy sex and relationships, I’m experimenting with writing spicier scenes. The jury is out.
My love of dance classes has blossomed as the playlist this session is speaking right to my geriatric millennial heart (hello back street boys)
In the last couple of months, I’ve gone for drinks/walks with three wonderful, interesting people- two of whom I have never met before. It was great!
Me and a neighbour will be soft launching our communal garden allotment this season, I have great plans to harvest crops but seem to get stuck at a barrel of tatties. Send green fingered prayers.
